Panda’s Home

Finally, nakauwi na ako sa Elbi. Wala na talaga ito sa plano because of financial constraints. Pero last Monday night, noong nafeel ko bigla yung bigat ng lahat lahat ng nasa loob ko, walang budget budget, nagdecide akong umuwi rito.

Ang plano, one night lang. Pero nagawaan ng paraan. It’s my second night here. (Thank you so much Apt 3 babies!) At so far? ANG SAYA. SYET.

Foodtrip. Chika marathon. Laughtrip. Yakap. Handshake. Volleyball. Videoke. Inom nang pavery light. Kape. Yakap. Late night to madaling-araw kwentuhan. At yakap ulit.

Sobra ko itong namiss eh. Itong buhay na ito. Itong lugar na ito. Sobra kong namiss itong mga taong ito. Sobra kong namiss ang feeling na ito with them.

At kanina, habang nagkakape, umupo ako sa may pinto ng apartment 3 kung saan dati rin akong umuupo pag nagkakape at nagmumuni-muni. Humigop ako ng kape, tumingin sa “hallway” ng Ilag’s, napatingin sa mga karatig na apartments. Tumingala sa langit at nakitang nandun pa rin yung bituing lagi kong tinitingnan noon mula sa apartment. Higop ulit ng kape. Naiiyak na ako.

Nagflashback lahat. Moments. People. Feelings.

Dati, nakaupo ako roon, umiiyak dahil nakagat ako ng aso. O kaya dahil nangangambang walang mapapasali sa org. O kaya dahil sa acads. O dahil mismo sa thesis na di matapos. O dahil sa problema sa pamilya. O di kaya naman ay dahil sa kaibigan.

At ngayon, muli akong nakaupo roon, umiiyak pa rin. Sa ibang dahilan na.

Tinabihan ako ni Chelsie. Di ko kinaya, nagpaalam na ako na iiyak na talaga ako sa tabi nya. And she let me. Then she hugged me.

At wala akong nasabi kundi “Oh my gaaahd. Ang bilis. Ang daming nangyari. My gaaahd.” Punas luha, tawa, iyak pa, tawa, punas luha.

No regrets naman din talaga.

Pero shet.

What would I give to be that girl (panda) again? To be here again? To be “okay” again?

Not Rejection, Just Redirection

Rebelde, according to their website, is “a community of bold, driven, and free-spirited independent filmmakers from the Philippines who believe in the power of films in storytelling and nation-building.” They launch film camps every year in order to give aspiring filmmakers an avenue for learning about film-making and for igniting their passion in doing and celebrating films.

When I learned about this a year ago, the frustrated filmmaker in me really wanted to join the camp. But I got acads. I got thesis. And I don’t have money to register. Registration fee costs 18K for early birds and 25K for regulars. And I was like, SYET. PANG-TUITION KO NA ‘YON. I waited for promos, raffles, or anything but there was none. So long story short, I did not pursue it.

This year, they decided to open scholarships. When Jake saw their post on FB, he immediately tagged me and said “Ito na ‘yun.!” And remembering how my mother and my best friend can see me as a director, getting inspired by Tonette Jadaone, and trying to connect the dots — from my Best Playwright award in high school to my cap with “Direk” embroidered on it (it’s a gift from my best friend) to my blog entries here about my “confusion” about pursuing film,  I took my chance and applied for a slot in Screenwriting and Directing. And to my surprise, I was shortlisted and became part of the Top 50. SOBRANG THANK YOU LORD. When my friends and my family found out about it, they expressed their happiness for me and congratulated me. Sobrang sarap. Lalo na yung reaction ng Nanay ko. But it was just half of the battle. As for the next level, we were interviewed. And it was not a typical interview. Feeling ko PBB besh! While waiting for the result, I felt like my heart will explode. That’s when I knew, I wanted it so bad. But then, the agony was prolonged when they told us to wait for the final result to be emailed to us.

One week of waiting was a torture for me. I kept saying “Okay lang kahit anong result. The world can take it. I can take it.” But I know, deep down, it would be frustrating for me to get that close but still fall short. But fortunately, I took a break and went home in Quezon. There, I recomposed myself. Talked with my Mom about it —  about having a Plan B just in case I didn’t get in. So in short, the psychological torture ended.

Then, last Saturday night, as I was browsing my FB timeline, I saw Rebelde’s announcement. Unti-unti ko pang binaba. Number 5, wala pa ring Ann Gielou Posedio. Number 9. Wala. Syet yung puso ko parang malulusaw. Number 12. Wala nga yata. Teka hanggang 15 yan, malay mo naman! 14. Wala. And 15. Negative. And how am I? First 10 minutes, I’m cool. I ate dinner with Ate Dimple. After that, I called (video call) Ericson and Kathkath. Tapos doon na ako may paggulong sa kama. Hahahaha Para pala akong tanga. Pero actually, hindi naman naging ganoon kasakit. Napaghandaan ko rin kasi siguro. Ate Apple even became worried as she thought I’d be depressed. But I told her I was not. Which is the truth. And it took a conversation with Jake for me to realize why. And let me quote myself (LOL):

“Eh kasi, if I really want it, bakit di pa ako mag-apply sa film production companies? May hesitation pa rin. Deep down. I know. At yun ang goal ko this week, to talk to my heart. Kung gusto ko ba talaga or not. Kasi kung oo, hindi film camp ang magsasabi nun. Ako dapat. Di naman dahil nagfilm camp tuloy film na talaga. At hindi dahil hindi nagfilm camp, hindi matutuloy sa film. So feeling ko, itong pangyayaring ito, itong Rebelde, ito yung kulbit ni yunibers na, Uy, Di ba gusto mo ‘to? Gaano mo ba kagusto? Seryoso ka ba? Kasi kung oo, now’s the time to do it.”

So there, I guess this is neither an end of a dream nor a simula-pa-lang-yan moment. Not yet, at least. This is like a call for self-assessment. A call for some reflection about what I really want to do now. About the pros and cons of my actions. About the weight of the risks I am willing to take. About the value of the things I may have to give up just to traverse a new direction in life. About the change that I really want to happen and when do I want it to happen.

Because the thing is, you don’t wait for a turning point. You make the turning point.

Missing You in a Good Way

Remember when you tried to delete me from your memory and it failed when it reached 99%? Idiot. Hahaha

I miss you, Pren.

Not the i-want-you-back kind of “I miss you”Nor the what-if-nandito-ka kind. Nor even the i’m-still-hurting-i-miss-you kind. Just…I miss you. Not because I’m sad. But because I just really do miss you.

I’m fine, Pren. Char minsan hindi. Nitong nakaraan, I’m not. But you, for some reasons, always remind me how beautiful life is — how precious our time in this world is. You remind me that life is a big adventure and we are great explorers. That in this battle, we are victors no matter what.

And yeah, I guess I know what this is. This is you-still-inspire-me kind of “I miss you”.

So from my healing soul, thank you. And for the nth time, I miss you. ⭐

Tales of An Intern: Anngie’s MBFI Adventure

On my first day in Metrobank Foundation Inc, the president asked us why we chose this organization for our internship. Honestly, the top reason was because it’s in Makati and my eldest sister lives there. But ofcourse, I was also interested in the programs of the foundation especially when I read that they conduct Search for Outstanding Teachers because I really have a soft spot for teachers. Little did I know, God has led me there for deeper reasons.

Metrobank Foundation gave me an awesome learning experience. Here, I have applied my knowledge about writing scripts and reports, writing RTOs for developmental projects, creating visual aids, and applying communication strategies. Moreover, MBFI helped me to achieve new skills such as creating networks and linkages for potential partnerships and program expansion, conceptualizing strategies for launching events, and writing scripts faster. The Foundation exposed me as well to different activities such as Graduates’ Forum (a program for its scholars), LCF CSR Expo (an exhibit for CSR programs in the Philippines), National Teachers’ Month Coordinating Council Meeting (a collaborative meeting with the organizations and companies in the Philippines in preparation for the National Teachers’ Month celebration), and Search for Outstanding Teachers Final Judging (the final level of choosing the top 10 outstanding teachers in the Philippines).

One of the memorable things I have experienced in my internship is when I got the chance to finally meet my favorite DepEd Secretary, Brother Armin Luistro, during the NTMCC meeting. It was really overwhelming especially when he wished me luck in my studies and he shook my hands. It was priceless!

In Metrobank Foundation, I also experienced attending activities that develop camaraderie and team spirit among the staff. They involved us in their 12:30 Fellowship every Monday and in their Staff Development where they honored their employees whose birthdays are June or July. It was fun seeing them enjoying and mingling with each other. Indeed, MBFI gave me the opportunity not only to excel in my field but also the opportunity to grow as a person, to meet new friends and to be closer to God.

I will never forget how the people in the foundation touched my life in different ways, especially those in my unit, the Education unit. They made my internship journey fun, exciting, challenging, and awesome. They are very supportive and appreciative. I am really happy to have met people like them who taught me lessons and insights not just about work but also about life. Special thanks to my mentor, Ms. Krista, for her guidance and support throughout my internship program. I also appreciate the President of the foundation, Mr. Chito, because he is really hands-on when it comes to our internship program and because he made us feel that we, their interns, are important by always asking for our comments and suggestions and for always listening to our insights. I will never forget that time when we had a post-facto evaluation about the Graduates’ Forum where the staffers commended our service and where President Chito told us that we are the best interns they have ever had. It really warms my heart whenever they express their appreciation for our service.

I didn’t expect that internship could be this fun and fulfilling. In the end, I believe MBFI was able to inculcate in me the advocacy of NTM (i.e. to appreciate teachers and to honor the teaching profession), the essence of practicing the culture of excellence, and the passion to give back to the community by serving our countrymen. They taught me that excellence is not only about competence, skills and intelligence. It is about showing respect to your job, your respect for your beneficiaries, and respect for your purpose. They taught me not just to strive for excellence but also to strive for meaning. ❤


*** Found this in my drafts. I wrote this two years ago and I don’t know why I did not publish this one. Ang sincere ko pa naman dito, kahit ako na-touch — nagflashback OJT experience ko which is one of the best parts of my college life. ❤


~With You Right Here, I’m A RAKETEER ~


Yup. I’m going freelance, guys. Hahaha Found this “freelance site” called and tadah, I’m registered! Ganito pala kapag gipit ka tapos ang dami mong nais gawin, puntahan, kailangang bilhin, at gustong regaluhan. Well, kapit lang. Hahahaha Actually, I still don’t know the nitty gritty of this site but yeah, let’s do this! Para sa ekonomiya! Haha Oh, baka may kailangan ka? If you need a freelance tutor/editor/copywriter/event host/event document-or/photographer/videographer (basic lang po haha)/speaker — you know where to FIND ME! <— 😀

Huma-happy Thanksgiving Kahit January 😁

Watched HIMYM 01×09 (yup marathon ulit kasi miss ko na ‘to hahaha) where Ted dropped this line: “But life has plenty of good parts. It’s the rough parts that make you thankful you have people to share it with.” Tapos ‘matic, itong picture na ito at ang moment na ito ang nagflashback sa utak ko.

Not sure of the exact date when this photo was taken but I remember (ofcourse! how can i forget this huhuhaha) this was during the time when I thought hindi ako makakapagmartsa last June 2016, as in goodbye Sablay2016. It was a difficult time for me kasi syempre pangarap ko yun e, makagraduate na to make my family and my self proud at para makatulong na rin sa pamilya.

Actually naniniwala naman ako na di paunahan makatapos at magtagumpay at walang masamang madelay. Blessing in disguise pa nga yon minsan. Pero that moment, kahit alam ko na hindi failure ang pagiging delayed, I was really breaking. And by breaking I mean devastated talaga ako lalo na’t wala na rin akong matinong tulog nang mga panahong ito. Kakaunti na rin ang tao sa Elbi kasi tapos na talaga ang klase. Depressing besh.

Pero swerte ko, andyan yang dalawang brods ko. From kopisoc to empisoc real quick 😂 Sila lang naman ang nasa tabi ko noong walang anu-ano, habang kumakain ako nung hawak kong footlong (see picture 😂), e bigla na lang akong iiyak. Tapos tatawa kasi may sasabihin silang dalawa na nakakatawa. Tapos iiyak na ulit ako. And they just stayed there. Beside me. Hanggang unti-unti na rin akong ngumiti. ☺

And I’m sharing this because

  1. Namiss ko bigla sina Kuya Eric at Kuya Jireh. Pati si Kuya Jhomar na bigla ring dumating haha.
  2. Baka nakalimutan ko noon so I’m telling you guys now, SALAMAT BRODS. MAHAL KO KAYO.
  3. I miss Elbi. And Ilag’s. Uuwi ako soon. Hihi
  4. Just in case may makakabasang graduating ngayon nitong post ko, Aja sa #RoadToG #Sablay2017 niyo! Push lang hanggang dulo. Just give it your all kahit mukhang imposible na. Or malayo pa. Habol lang!; and
  5. I agree with Ted. Mapapa-SALAMAT ka na lang talaga dahil during the “rough parts”, ayan, at di ka rin naman talaga mag-isa. 😊