Happy Father’s Day, Finally

Honestly, maraming beses na akong nagmura sa utak ko. Pero if I’m not mistaken, thrice ko palang na-voice out yung t*ng-i*a. First, when I found out that my bestfriend passed away. Second, when I got emo because I got bitten by the dog we were training for PSY140 (Psychology of Learning). It happened during a bad, bad time that’s why I kinda lost my mind. I even wrote a blog about it here! Hahaha And the third one was last Saturday, when I read my father’s reply to me.

Natigilan ako dahil kung di ako nagkakamali, this was the first time na natawag nya akong “anak.” Ang drama pakinggan pero wala e, it seemed like there was a space in my heart waiting for that word from him. And when he finally said (texted) it, napasabi ako ng malutong na tang-ina while shaking my head. (Teka nawalan ng sense yung pagcensor ko kanina) Hahaha Mukha akong sira that moment. But I remember how it made me smile.

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Okay na. Okay na ako sa ganito. Hanggang ganito na lang tayo pero okay na rin, Pa. Basta safe ka. At masaya. At basta maging tatay ka sa kanila. Basta di sila lumaki nang may bubog na tulad ng sa akin. At basta okay ka. Okay na.

No Words

Madaling-araw na. Pagod na. Maagap pa ang gising bukas. But I’m here. Wala lang. Gusto ko lang isulat dito na… 

NAKARAMING AKBAY SA AKIN TONIGHT ANG TATAY KO.

And if that’s his way of saying sorry, apology accepted po.

Of Ball Games, Fatherhood, and Heaven †

During my senior year in high school, I had to live in my Lolo’s house because my Mom undergone an operation. Mom and I lived with my Lolo, two Titas, my uncle, my cousins and my nephews. 
It was kind of difficult to adjust, at first. However, the care and love that I and Mom got from the people there were enough to make us feel alright. 

And one happy thing about having that experience is getting the opportunity to interact with them, closer than ever.

And I remember, whenever I watch basketball games (PBA) to support my team, Talk ‘N Text Tropang Texters (Go #TnTNation), I was always being teased by my Tito (San Miguel/Petron fan) and my Lolo (fan of any teams playing against my team). They always tell me that we’re gonna lose, my team is weak, and other stuff just to make fun of me. And that became our bonding. 

And now, they are both gone. On October 28, my Lolo passed away. Last December 16, mom called me and told me about my uncle dying. 

It feels horrible to lose them both this year, this Christmas. 

And how I wish we could still do our bonding. 

Tay,  Papa Tony, wherever you are, thanks for being my fathers. You are both great dads. By the way, from heaven, watch TnT Tropang Texters get the championship this cup. 😜 I miss you both. I love you both. 

Hold on, Panday

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If it’s a bad dream, I will wake you up

If it’s a fear, let me help you drop it off

Because seeing you shiver shakes everything inside me

Witnessing a teardrop leaving your eyes breaks me

Hold my hand if the tremors won’t stop

You can press my thumb

for you to feel the strength that I want you to have

Even if you’re having trouble sleeping

You don’t need to worry, Tatay

I’ll be here beside you

Waiting for the sunrise

 

Blue Escape

 

Drained. Burnt-out. Emotionally unstable.

Acads. Thesis. Org.

These were muddling up my mind these past few weeks.

Last Thursday night, I had an emotional breakdown. That moment, I knew I have to go and save myself. So I said goodbye to the world for a while. Little did I know, goodbye to the world could just mean hello beach! Yup, Vitamin Sea amidst hell week is part of the formula for the remedy. Thanks much to Ate Dimple who made this possible. ❤

New place. Strangers. UPLB alumnus’ POV on how to graduate (My ate’s friend happened to be a ChemEng graduate from Elbi!) Family. Camera. A good book. (The Alchemist) Music.  Bed.

Call me an escapist – not so good kind of person to become but it’s how people like me cope with unbearable things sometimes. Because it’s not about merely forgetting your problems. It’s about finding a way to breathe and hopefully, to redeem yourself.

Pagsilip sa Pinto

Date: September 13, 2015
Location: Pinto Art Museum, San Roque, Antipolo, Rizal

Last September, Tita Ellen invited me to pay a visit to their home in Marikina and celebrate Neil’s birthday. Neil is my cousin who I met (deeper) in UPLB. We became closer as we get to know each other better. Sayang nga, munitk ko na s’yang maging legit na Brod. Huehue Nonetheless, I really consider him as my long lost li’l bro. 🙂

Anyway, I needed that introduction because he is the reason why a wish of mine came true — I have explored the Pinto Art Museum! He told Tita that I want to go there and so we did. I was really really touched. I never imagined we would have moments like that as cousins, as family. Feeling ko nga, birthday ko ang ni-celebrate eh. 😊

On Sunday afternoon, we went to Antipolo. We arrived at the museum at 5PM. Since it closes at 6PM, we had a limited time to explore the museum. And guess what. It  rained and I didn’t bring my umbrella. -_- Well, nevertheless, I can say that it was an awesome and wonderful experience because of the amazing, artistic, and great paintings, sculptures, and scenery the place has to offer.

Sadly, I left Drew (my camera) in Elbi so I just captured everything that awed me through my phone’s cam. (No names of the painters and sculptors, my bad! But I really salute them! 👍)

One unforgettable thing about Pinto is the Undelivered Project. Inspired by the love story of Leonora Rivera and Jose Rizal, it lets you write an anonymous letter addressed to that someone who, for some reasons, you didn’t end up with.

20150913_171530Ofcourse, I tried it. And… Huhu.

I “let it remain undelivered”. </3

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Pinto Art Museum is definitely one place I won’t regret revisiting. I like the variations of moods, ambiance, “feels” and “hugots” of every art featured there. Not to mention the presence of historical elements in some of the stations. 😍 Sulit,  uulit-ulitin at hahanap-hanapin talaga! And in fact, I even thought of having my own wedding reception there. Haha! But seriously, yes I want to do it there because I can imagine how awesome it would be. So cool, so heartwarming (especially if you have fascination with art), so delightful, so puzzling, so artsy, so calming at the same time exciting, so… special. So me! And malay natin, “so him” rin. 😊 Chaaaar LOL

But ofcourse, at the end of the day, the highlight of this weekend escapade is them.

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Thanks-a-bunch Latina Family! I’m so glad that we’re given an opportunity to be closer and connected more than ever.

And thank you, Neil.20150913_191002

I found a coffee/spriteaaa/storytelling/music/kalokohan buddy and a family (legit by blood 😁) in Elbi. 🙂

The Kind of Saturday She Needed

Kapag masyado kang piniga, binugbog, pinahirapan at ni-gag ng LunesMartesMiyerkulesHuwebesBiyernes mo, ayos lang. Dahil doon mo mamahalin ang Sabado mo 😉

MARCH 7, 2015 said that all you need to do to feel okay is to…

  • have videoke sessions with your cousins and siblings
  • comfort your cousin while you are all singing Hawak Kamay
  • share your stories with your cousin
  • cry on your Ate’s shoulder while she is singing Lean On Me
  • hug your Lola tight
  • cling to your Mother
  • kiss your Aunt
  • watch Men’s Volleyball game with your Lolo and your cousin
  • watch TV while lying on the carpet
  • laugh with your family
  • have libreng-hilot from your 7y/o nephew
  • watch your soon-to-be brother-in-law wasted as he tries to warn everybody: “Andyan na si Pain! Mapapahamak tayo!” #NarutoPaMore!!!
  • cuddle with Mom while she is saying her famous line “Bakit ang lamig ng paa mo a’ah”
  • sleep without setting the alarm clock
  • forget about the deadlines!

 
 
Hindi naresolba ang mga problema. Pero nakahinga ka. Nakangiti ka. Yung ngiting totoo at walang kasunod na pangamba. Not the best things to do to set things right and clean up all the mess the weekdays have brought but hey, for me it’s all good enough. ‘Cause this is the kind of Saturday I needed.
 
Lord, salamat po may Sabado! ###