It’s funny how you know that change is inevitable but still there you are, wide awake at night, struggling with the thought of losing the things, feelings, and people you have learned to love.
It might be this separation anxiety I have that is responsible for causing me stress everytime I realize that someday, someway, and somehow, I will lose everything I have. But sometimes, I really find it weird how this paranoia seems to eat me inside causing much trouble to my heart.
I’m not sure where, when, and why I exactly got this anxiety. Is it because of what my father did to us? Is it because of the desolation I had when I lost my special friend? Is it because of the tears that automatically pour with every goodbye? I don’t know. But what I do know is that there must be always something good with goodbye. There must be something special with “good riddance” like what Green Day was singing about.
But actually, I do believe deep inside that change has its own perks. The fact that everything passes somehow gives me hope that if good things come to an end, bad things will eventually do, too. It makes me believe that every pain and every gain has its own reasons. Maybe sometimes, I ‘m just really having a hard time dealing with detachment.
I don’t know. There’s something about clinging to the past that gives me pain but at the same time bliss. It gives me the chance to remember what used to be bad and what used to be good. And reminiscing the past is not always heartbreaking. It reminds me how thankful I should be to the Almighty God for giving me the chance to experience and feel every hurt, joy, excitement, and all that made me who I am right now.
After all, as things might go as transient as they could be, change should not hinder you to live your life to the fullest. Past must not destruct the present and destroy the future. Sometimes, you just have to let life unfold through time and let time prepare you for that certain moment. You just have to keep in mind that moving forward is always part of the game.
Well, weird as it may sound but for a person with separation anxiety like me, I still believe that there is such thing as Beautiful Goodbye (Maroon 5 beybeh \m/). Because in the end, there are really lessons in life that only something ephemeral can teach.
-April 29, 2014